In Defense of Mistakes To Grammar Nazis Everywhere

For the record- I am an intelligent, educated person.  I have a BA in theatre and minored in writing in undergrad.  I have a Masters of Science in Interdisciplinary Arts Education.  I am a thesis away from my MFA in Creative Writing with a double emphasis in Playwriting and Creative Non-Fiction.

 

I don’t tell you all of this to brag.

 

I tell you all of this to show that I’m not an idiot.

 

This is important to know because what I am about to tell you may lead you to believe otherwise.

 

I am an anti-grammar Nazi. 

 

I can hear the gasps echoing through the universe from my intelligent, educated friends.  These are people who feel physical pain when someone incorrectly uses your instead of you’re, to instead of too.  It wounds their soul to see the English language used incorrectly.

 

I should be one of those people.

 

I am not.

 

In fact if it weren’t for the internet I’m not even sure I would be so aware of the issue. 

 

I will admit that I notice it sometimes.  But I don’t think less of the perpetrator of such a crime. 

 

I just sort of don’t care.

 

And I admit- I am often the perpetrator.

 

(Somewhere my favorite high school English teacher just passed out.)

 

Your

You’re

 

To

Too

 

They’re

Their

 

Its

It’s

 

These are just a few of the things I commonly mix up.  Not because I don’t know the difference.  I do.

 

There are two reasons I do it.  First, I have believed for many years that I have a very mild (and yes, self diagnosed) form of dyslexia.  If you ever chat with me online you have probably noticed that it is not unusual for me to swap letters, particularly vowels.  I usually catch it almost immediately.  But in order to not do it I have to be concentrating.  This has been true all my life, ever since I could write I swapped letters around.  Even in handwritten notes I catch it quickly.  So I suppose it is more like my hands are dyslexic but my brain is not.  Like I have retrained my brain to make sure my eyes see the difference most of the time, but it hasn’t quite relayed the message to my hands.  When I was a kid I can recall making a very conscious decision that this would not deter me.  And I wouldn’t let anyone know.  Back then if you had a learning disability you were branded stupid, at least in my little town.  I didn’t want to be stupid.  And I didn’t want anyone to have any more reason than they already had to make fun of me.  So I kept it a secret.  I still mostly keep it a secret.  (Until now I suppose.)  Because I’ve learned to get around it.  I’ve earned advanced degrees.  And have found ways to hide it.  Except in these commonly mistaken words to which I pay little attention.  They are my tell in the English poker face I worked so hard to develop. 

 

The second reason?  I just don’t care.  (CHOKE*GASP*WHEEZE* went the educated among us.)  I just don’t.  I am a writer.  Yes.  And I love the English language.  Yes.  But you know what?  I just don’t care about words like to and too, they’re and their.  Particularly in my informal communication, texts and facebook, even this blog.  These are meant to be cursory thoughts, fleeting moments of observation, genuine and spontaneous expressions of joy, love, pain, aggravation, fear, insert emotion here.  I spell words incorrectly, use punctuation incorrectly, and often, very very often, end my sentences with a preposition.  For those of you who grammar rules come easy to you may be able to be impulsively perfect.  I cannot.  Add to this, these words seem so arbitrary to me, clouding my sentences because they have to be there for the words that matter.  There are so many other words that need my attention, scream for it even.  There are choices to be made between beautiful, exquisite, and gorgeous.  Decisions as to whether frightening, terrifying, or just plain scary is the word that fits.  Is my character sad, gloomy, or miserable?  Am I happy, elated, or ecstatic?  The other words in my sentence are like underwear, necessary to support but not meant to be seen (unless you are stripping down the sentence and really looking).  I put them in and then cover them up.

 

It is simply a matter of priorities.  Neither better nor worse, just different. 

 

So my Grammar Nazi friends, you are correct.  You will always be correct.  We grammar criminals concede that you are and will always be correct.  And we may even concede that in this way you may be a bit more intelligent than the rest of us.  And by all means, if I am writing something professional or I ask you to read something, correct away!

 

But I bet there are some things that other people find to be simple, big fat “duh’s” that you find difficult.

 

Parallel parking.

 

Cooking.

 

Memorization.

 

Math.

 

Telling a joke.

 

Singing.

 

Sudoku.

 

Cross Word Puzzles.

 

Sports.

 

 

Do I need to go on?

 

So the next time you see one of us do something that offends the Grammar Nazi inside of you maybe cut us just a teeny bit of slack.  We’re not stupid.  We just don’t see the same things you do.